Can someone please tell my children that...

• toilet paper is not food?
• it's not clean to crawl around the toilet?
• smacking your brother isn't funny?
• dog food is not for human consumption?
• the dog water bowl is not a mini swimming pool?
• it is not cool to cry all Memorial Day weekend?
• it is cool to start sleeping at night?
• our dog, Rusty, is not a jungle gym?
• sharing is a good thing?
• putting tree sap in your hair is not temporary?
• biting doesn't solve anything?
• having your diaper changed is a good thing?
• listening to Sexy Back a thousand times is annoying?
• listening to The Armadillo Jackal a thousand times is annoying?
• you can't communicate in grunts?
• making fart noises with your arm pits is not funny? (Well, maybe it is funny the first time.)
• coffee tables are not for carving in?
• walls are not for coloring on?
• food is not for throwing?
• balls, bats, and sticks do not belong in the house?
• shoving any and everything in your mouth serves no purpose other than keeping your parents nervous and up-to-date on the Heimlich maneuver?

Can someone also tell them that...

• their big blue eyes are beautiful?
• their huge grins bring us such joy?
• we love listening to stories about school and friends?
• we love hearing them talk about their dreams and aspirations incessantly?
• we love watching them grow and learn?
• they are surrounded by many fantastic people who adore them?
• their mom and dad are insanely crazy about them and we thank God every night for the happiness they bring us?